


(We Build the Wall) To Keep Us Free

by Neffectual



Series: 104 Reasons to Stay Alive [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Minor Angst, eruri - Freeform, orisor inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-13
Updated: 2014-07-13
Packaged: 2018-02-08 16:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1948629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neffectual/pseuds/Neffectual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin and Levi have different opinions about what the walls do for humanity, and whether a cage can ever be said to set you free.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(We Build the Wall) To Keep Us Free

**Author's Note:**

> Once more, Anaïs Mitchell's 'Hadestown' album, specifically 'Why We Build The Wall', which is the song the title comes from.

_What do we have that they should want?_   
_We have a wall to work upon!_   
_We have work and they have none_   
_And our work is never done_   
_My children, my children_   
_And the war is never won_   
_The enemy is poverty_   
_And the wall keeps out the enemy_   
_And we build the wall to keep us free_   
_That’s why we build the wall_   
_We build the wall to keep us free_   
_We build the wall to keep us free_

Erwin remembers before they lost Maria, when the garrison was placed in one of the border towns, and sometimes misses the ease of those days, before the titans seemed to swarm from everywhere. There was a suggestion in a meeting that the new swarms were because there were no outsiders left, and so each and every titan was converging upon what was left of humanity. He shakes his head as he passes a preacher, extolling the virtues of the walls, and for a moment, a fleeting moment, Erwin wants to turn back, grab the man by the collar and shake him, demand to know how building walls can make them free. Walled cities, walled fortresses, walled off from the world which is their birthright – or is it? Erwin has never quite been sure of that, never quite believed that he deserves the world outside these walls, or that any of them do, really. Humanity withdrew beyond walls pretty quickly once it was clear that there was an enemy they could not beat, but they did not take all their people with them. There are rumours that only the wealthy made it inside the first wall, Maria, and that then, as the other two were constructed, each wall became a layer of segregation.

“You chose the military,” Levi shrugs, watching his lover remove his gear straps from his position against the wall, “You aren’t paid to think.”  
They aren’t paid at all; the Survey Corps used to be, because they were seen as the protectors of humanity, but now they room in abandoned garrisons which used to teem with life, and consider themselves lucky that they get enough rations to live on.  
“No,” he says, eventually, “Just to strategise.”  
Levi smiles, a thin, dry line of disapproval. He doesn’t say anything more, simply lets himself out, leaving Erwin alone in his room for the third time that week.

He knows it’s a touchy subject, bringing up the inherent fallibility of the walls with Levi, but he has yet to learn just why that is. He remembers a bright-faced boy plainly stating that Erwin was going to kiss him, and wonders where that child corporal went. Then again, where did the handsome young captain go; why does he look in the mirror and see and old man staring back at him? No wonder Levi no longer wants to stay with him. But he remembers another time, stolen kisses in laundry rooms, sitting on the balcony when Erwin made commander, and staring out over Wall Maria at the setting sun. Now that place, the place where they first made love, is gone, held by titans, kept outside the two walls which still hold, and Erwin cannot help but worry that the love they held has gone as well.

As they ride through the streets with the new supplies, there are those who reach and grab for their rations, there are the women who cry, bellies swollen and knowing they will birth another child they cannot afford to feed. It breaks Erwin’s heart to post guards on the supply wagons, but it is necessary. An army marches on its stomach, and unfed soldiers are more likely to make forays into town for money, food, sex – taking whatever they can however they can. The corps may need all the soldiers it can find, but Erwin lets himself discriminate that much, at least. No rapist will ever remain in his army, sent away to work the fields with notes in paperwork a supervisor will never read. He sometimes wonders what he does, inflicting these predators on small communities, and occasionally receives reports back about soldiers who have been murdered by those around them for such crimes. He never forwards those, simply lets the papers rot in cabinets, a fitting end.

“Large crowd today.” Erwin says softly to Levi as they get the supply wagons inside. To his surprise, the captain spins round, his face set in a snarl.  
“And what did you expect? You drive a wagon full of food through a crowd of the starving and you don’t understand why they think that’s cruel?”  
Erwin remembers Levi arriving, a skinny, mouthy little thing who shovelled food into his mouth like he thought someone was going to take it away from him. It hadn’t crossed his mind until now that maybe that was exactly what Levi was expecting to happen.  
“We need the rations.” He says, and hates the way his voice hardens with command steel. They never used to talk like this, like they had nothing between them, like they had never been lovers.  
“You have no idea, do you?” Levi asks, voice soft and curious, “Did you never starve? Did you never steal for food? Did you never have to split your meal between three so everyone went just a little less hungry?”  
Erwin shakes his head. He was born into wealth, he supposes, but has never really thought about it in that way. They had enough to get by on, and that was in the days before all the farmland was gone. It seems like so long ago, now.  
Levi doesn’t wait for an answer, just carries a box of potatoes into the garrison and doesn’t come out again.

It’s a dark night, the bed empty like it is more times than Erwin cares to admit, when his door creaks open and closed again, quickly, and there’s a rustle of clothing as Levi slides into bed beside him.  
“I forget,” he says, and his voice is free from the bitterness it usually carries, “I forget that you didn’t live like that. It’s not your fault.”  
Erwin doesn’t manage to find words, simply pulls his lover into his arms and warms night-chilled skin, letting Levi mouth apologies into his skin.  
“You shouldn’t have to teach me what’s happening in the world.” He says, at last, and feels Levi’s lips curl into a smile.  
“I’ve always had to tell you what to do,” he mutters, soft, affectionate, knowing, “You really are hopeless. I wouldn’t be surprised if you believed the lies they tell us about the walls.”  
“That they keep us free?” Erwin replies, then laughs, “Not anymore.”  
He kisses Levi, and for a moment, he can pretend that they’re fighting a war which they can win.


End file.
